DIRECTIVE #001:

WEEKLY FORECASTING

Forecasting is a performance, not a prediction.

I update the forecast every Monday. Not because it tells the truth. It doesn't. I do it because it gives the appearance that someone is steering the ship.

The reps send me their numbers in Slack. Most of them copy last week's and push a few dates forward. A couple inflate their deals so I will stop asking questions. One of them sandbags because he thinks I will not notice the pattern.

I consolidate everything into one spreadsheet. The VP does not read the notes. He scrolls straight to the totals. If the delta looks survivable, he nods. If it does not, he asks what "our plan" is, as if there is a plan that fixes basic arithmetic.

We all pretend these numbers mean something. The team pretends they can be coached into accuracy. Leadership pretends trendlines are destiny. No one wants to admit the obvious. Forecasting is theater. Everyone lies because everyone has to. That is how the machine stays upright.

I am expected to motivate them through it. To run pipeline reviews. To run stand ups. To run "discovery workshops." To run whatever keeps the illusion stitched together for another quarter.

I know most of these deals won't land. They know I know. We perform anyway.

Recommendation:
We will call these numbers committable for now. We will refine the narrative before next week's meeting. And when this show collapses like it always does, someone will suggest the usual hail mary.